steph

Why Physics? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

So I'm in Philly, and I refuse to look at fried peppers and onions, or shaved pieces of grade-H steak. And I especially refuse to make peace with an ever-popular can of  cheese whiz, so I don't really know what I'm doing here.

I'm kidding of course, it's fine. Once the spackle dust settles, I get my window to close, the humidity goes down, and the shower stops leaking more water out of the faucets than the showerhead, I'll be perfect.

And you ask, is it disheartening that after a plumber came to visit (and stated that there was nothing he could do to fix our restroom river), he proclaimed, "Geez, I wouldn't want my daughters living in a place like this"?

No, not at all.

All I feel is love. Brotherly love. The kind of brotherly love where the older, larger, and dumber brother throws the younger, smaller, and much more intelligent brother down a flight of stairs in a laundry basket.

Le sigh.

So, summer 2007, chronologically, consisted of coming home, fucking shit up, getting pierced, folding clothes, cleaning up dog pee, getting paid to press play on a stereo, working a 55 hour week, teaching kids bad tap technique, sweating profusely, getting fucked by Penn, making bad decisions (but not the good kind), maintaining a exploded ear, sweating profusely again, getting chronic hives, scratching a lot, cleaning up dog pee again, and fucking shit up, again.

But at least I'm not itchy anymore.

Great.

It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear we're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness
You'll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.

We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear we're slow dancing in a burning room.

Go cry about it why don't you.

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.

Don't you think we ought to know by now?
Don't you think we should have learned somehow?

Yeah so,
I'm making  $21 an hour to teach kids to tap, while I get to listen to lots of MJ.

I think I'm actually jealous of myself.

Yay anniversary of the cutting of my umbilical cord!

Dear UPenn,

Thanks for accepting me and making my life infinitely more difficult. 

Love, 
Stephanie

P.S. I am an asshole.

How can I go home with nothing to say?
I know you're going to look at me that way.
and say, "What did you do out there, and what did you decide?
You said you needed time and you had time."

You are a china shop and I am a bull.
You are really good food and I am full.
I guess everything is timing, I guess everything's been said,
so I'm coming home with an empty head.

You'll say, "Did they love you or what?"
I'll say, "They love what I do; the only one who really loves me is you."
and you'll say, "Girl, did you kick some butt?"
and I'll say, "I don't really remember, but my fingers are sore and my voice is too."

You'll say, "It's really good to see you."
You'll say, "I missed you horribly."
You'll say "Let me carry that, give that to me."
and you will take the heavy stuff, and you will drive the car.
and I'll look out the window and make jokes about the way things are.

How can I go home with nothing to say?
I know you're going to look at me that way.
and say, "What did you do out there, and what did you decide?
You said you needed time and you had time."

"You had time."

Why is my life getting more and more nauseating by the second?

This morning I busted it out, MJ style. Minus the collapsing nose and full size Vegas robot, of course.

Screw guys man, I just wanna dance.

It's weird being home.

I feel like while I was gone everyone got their shit together.  All of a sudden my parents speak occasionally(directly, not even through sticky notes), Amanda's not a raging pre-teen bitch(though she still speaks in the same high pitched whine), laura grew up and stopped doing stupid shit (except losing major credit cards), and no one's dying (by tomorrow anyway).

That was eloquent.

Whatev, maybe it's just because we have money now.

Either way, it was a nice surprise.

Ok Stephanie, you've wallposted insane ramblings on everyone facebook  you know, (and some that you don't know). It's time to do your work.

Or make more meaningless facebook posts.

Hmmmmm?

Life is demanding, without understanding.

I've never counted down to anything before in my life until now, but as it stands:
54 days until I don't have to live with Helen McSmellen anymore!

I wonder how many times she'll shower until then?
Probably 5.

I think I'm sufficently nauseous.

If another large group of testosterone driven boys who think they're men shake mine or any other door in the hall until it comes off the hinges while screaming indistinctly for full five minute intervals, play basketball on the floor above my head, or chant in unison outside my window, "WHO ARE WE? DATA FALTA GAMMA GYRO PHI! WHAT DO WE LOVE? BEER!!!!!" one more fucking time,  I'm going to pack my bags and transfer.

Oh wait.

I actually have a lot of work to do.
This is very odd.

Opinion question:

If someone you have the potential to be good friends with does selfish things repeatedly, both towards you and in general, but they like you and you otherwise like them, and you're not close enough to explain to this person that it seems they've probably been selfish all of there lives by the looks of it, what do you do? Do you become better friends with them? Do you keep your distance? I don't know! What does everyone else think?

Also, my leg is asleep.